Quotes by Ruiz and self-philosophy

"We are born in truth, but we grow up believing lies... One of the biggest lies in the story of humanity is the lie of our imperfection."

We are born perfect, and we will die perfect. The problem is that we create that character in our story that we pretend to be, or that we want to be, and we cannot hide that from ourselves. We know that we are pretending to be what we are not in the name of perfection.

Every human is an artist.
The dream of your life
is to make beautiful art.

Life is like dancing. If we have a big floor, many people will dance. Some will get angry when the rhythm changes. But life is changing all the time.

Be aware that even if you meant your words as honey, other people can turn what you said into poison.

The infinite, the absolute, is a living being and the only one living being that really exists. And we all are part of that living being. And from that point of view, the way I see the universe, the way I see God is as perfection, like only perfection exists and it's not difficult to understand at all.

You can measure the impeccability of your word by your level of self-love. How much you love yourself and how you feel about yourself are directly proportionate to the quality and integrity of your word. When you are impeccable with your word, you feel good; you feel happy and at peace. You can transcend the dream of hell just by making the agreement to be impeccable with your word. Right now I am planting that seed in your mind. Whether or not the seed grows depends upon how fertile your mind is for the seeds of love. It is up to you to make this agreement with yourself: I am impeccable with my word. Nurture this seed, and as it grows in your mind, it will generate more seeds of love to replace the seeds of fear. This first agreement will change the kind of seeds your mind is fertile for.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

My newest addition to the philosophies I have for life comes with the help of Don Miguel Ruiz. While reading and studying his book, "The Voice of Knowledge", he presents the idea of our perfection rather than imperfection. Ever since we were young we can all remember people telling us "You're not perfect. No one's perfect except God. We are only human." or some other variation of us "humans" not being perfect. Well, who was the first to state this and who were the first people to allow themselves to be brainwashed by this fallacy? Humans are masterpieces, our lives (or what we do with them) is pure art. God is as much inside us as outside of us. God is life and life is all around us. We have the potential to be perfect if we only believe in our perfection and stop putting a limitation on ourselves by saying, "I am only human. That is why I am like this or can only do that and cannot manage to act any differently than this." When we live our lives in love and honesty, and with love and honesty for other people as well, we are living perfectly.

"Accept your own divinity. Everything is a manifestation of God. When you know that, the power that is LIFE is inside you, you accept your own divinity, and yet you are humble, because you see the same divinity in everyone else."

I like this change that is progressing throughout my whole entire being. It came from a collection of things; my trip to Thailand, my mingling Ruiz's philosophy into my own, my own growing up and out, and just from allowing life to happen. I find my thoughts have been much calmer and less obsessive and more productive in the past couple weeks. I have come to accept people and events and life much easier. The key is to not look for injustices everywhere or how much you wish you could change everything; but rather to roll with life as it comes and make it easier and better for yourself and for those you can the best you can.

Good-bye, 20 years young.

What I have learned this past year
was fully absorbed by these weeks in Thailand
and particularly my day at the Thai elementary school today
and can be summed up by the following:

There's a fever in numbers.

"The more, the merrier"
where love is a conveyor
to changing this world
and realizing
that's all that really matters.

Coelho

"Haters are confused admirers who can't understand why everybody loves you."

:)

My 20th Year.

Ego Warn - I brag about all my accomplishments I have made this past year in this blog so if you don't feel like reading about how big my ego is feeling after the really successful and progressive year I just had, then do not bother reading this. I recommend everyone does this, though, if you are proud of yourself for tremendous feats. When you don't feel as successful in the future, you could come back to the times where you were and become motivated again.

I feel as if this past year, my 20th year on this planet, has been the most influential and progressive one. I am so intrigued by all of the accomplishments I have made and the way I am closing out this year before I turn 21 in Thailand in a mere few weeks. For future reference and to show my self huge strides and progressive change can really occur when you try your hardest, I will list some of the greatest accomplishments I have had this past year:

1.) I got a raise in both of my jobs. How fucking awesome is that? And possibly will see another in one of them early next year. I love both of my jobs and enjoy every single day I am blessed with being with Jack. He has influenced my life in such a magnificent way this past year and a half that I have spent with him. More than the majority of "adults" I have met along these past twenty years. He has truly taught me the way in which we all should appreciate and have a connection with life. He has shown me every single person really should spend some time with a toddler and see if it doesn't directly impact their life in an amazing way. Not only has he taught me valuable life lessons, but I have also helped shaped this little boy's childhood. Teaching him how to talk has been one of the most memorable experiences of my life.

2.) I graduated CCM magna cum laude, with a 3.8 GPA. Out of 21 classes, only in 2 of them did I receive anything but an "A". And even then I didn't come close to failing them, I had a high "B" in one and a "C" in the other (I'm not a bio or economics fan whatsoever). One of those 21 classes, I didn't even have to take because of the Honors English classes I was in as a senior in high school and the high score I received on the AP Literature and AP Language tests. I cannot even say I tried my hardest at CCM; I just applied myself and this was my reward. I also received a scholarship from CCM which I used to buy an LED hoop :).

3.) I was accepted at Christopher Newport University in Virginia but, unfortunately, am not going. Although, now the options always there I guess! Soon I hope to be receiving a letter of acceptance to Ramapo; where I will get my Bachelor's in Social Work before I go to, yet another, school to get my Master's.

4.) With not even a fourth of the help coming from my magnificent Aunt, I BOUGHT MY OWN amazing, beautiful, sexy ass car. I've worked hard for years and always had beater cars (which I always paid for) and FINALLY I have a car I am proud of and absolutely love. The fact I bought it with my own money that I worked hard and saved for so long makes this experience a million times better. And, although this technically started in 2009, I also pay for my own car insurance which I'm proud of given how expensive it was the first year.

5.) HOOOOOOPING! I have gotten significantly better and found another passion I have in life over this past summer. It's great to have an outlet that's all your own and one in which you can influence, impress, and connect with other people in the world. I have fallen in love.

6.) Speaking of falling in love. This past year I have taken tremendous strides with my love. A man I have found who FINALLY treats me the way I deserve to be treated. I could go on for days on this one number but, in more than a year since we started our friendship, I have accumulated and produced enough poetry on our relationship to recall the monumental time we've had together. So if ever I am or anyone reading that is interested in me getting into detail on this number, you can just read my entire blog since late Aug. of 2009.

7.) I financed way more than half my trip to Thailand with Habitat for Humanity to help build a house for a family in need. The rest I collected from some extremely generous people like my amazing Aunt yet again. All funds raised go towards the building costs of the house. This is one of my biggest dreams come true; I can't wait to walk through the doors of some of the most beautiful Buddhist temples in Thailand. And, yet again, the fact that I raised, and contributed the majority of the money myself to attend this trip makes me even more proud of myself. I've never left the United States in my life, the furthest I've ever been was Florida (once) so this trip, which I am taking alone, is a tremendous adventure for me.

8.) I also worked hard and saved and paid for my own trip to Dominican Republic in January for moe.'s Tropical Throe.down.

9.) Although brief, I finally made a trek to Maine with my love; a state I've wanted to venture to since I was in the 3rd grade reading Sarah Plain and Tall.

10.) I am officially on my own. I moved out of my house and away from the woman who adopted me 5 years ago. Although I have yet to get my own apartment (which is an accomplishment I hope to tackle next year), I am still living on my own with the help of a lovely lady who has given me a better room AND FINALLY AN ACTUAL BED which I haven't had since before the 8th grade. Not that I didn't have responsibilities when I lived at my old house but I never had to give my mom money for living there; now whenever I am able, I will give money for "rent" or help out with my friend's child. Responsibility actually has a lot of perks to it; you get to feel pleased by your own growth and hard work. You start to become less and less dependent on other people until eventually you only are dependent on your self for everything.

11.) Beginning last January, I began getting rid of the negative and caustic people in my life. People who don't respect you have no place in being in your life; especially when you try to live your life with honesty and, no doubt, show them respect constantly. I realized you can't surround yourself with people who have completely different morals than you, it only makes for altercations in the long run and you being "put in the middle" of your friendship with them and staying true to yourself. I, also, learned a lot about how loosely people use the term "love you" with friendships and/or relationships and I no longer will surround myself with people who just use that term because they only like the way it makes them sound. If they say it just to say it and don't turn around and show you that they mean it, you need to move on. "You get what you give" so if anyone doesn't treat you the way you treat them, the way you deserve to be treated, move on.

12.) On a lighter note to number 11: although I've "lost" people that I truly meant every time I told them I "loved them"; I've also met and became friends with other souls I feel are on the same level as myself with their morals and life/love values. I've also re-kindled a lot of old friendships that should have never gotten lost along the way. "Sometimes you have to forget what you want to remember what you deserve". This quote sums up the whole loss of some friends and gains of the others. Sometimes you don't want change, you're used to things the way they are that you forget to realize there may be way more beneficial things when you open up your doors again to new things. :)

final touches later. :]

Present Day.

Why hate a whole world you've never even met?
If you dwell in fear,
it will only be your life you regret.

December 2010.

The only function of insecurities
is to deplete our chakra's energies.
There is so much in this world to see.
There's beauty way beyond
the boundaries of our seas.

Chiang Mai, Thailand.

How many people live in a bubble
and just why are they hiding?
There is life outside these borders
and if I don't explore, it won't find me.

In 21 years on this earth,

I've found the one constant:
the love we have within us is infinite.
We are born by the intimate
so naturally our hearts take interest in it;
are dipped and pitched
until we complacently melt with it.
Bit by bit,
we live by it until
we admit we are a pathway
for which love will transmit.

Be drawn to the design of your own gift
then show the world how to be as swift.

Definitely not done.

I promise to always lay in the crook of your arm whenever I go to sleep. I promise to always, always, always run my fingers through your hair, rub your head, and massage your muscles. I promise to make you feel relaxed because you work so hard in life. I promise to make you home-cooked meals whenever it is I figure out how to cook. I promise to put you first; so long as I am not jeopardizing my Self. I promise to say "I love you" way too many times in one day. Scratch that, there's no such thing as saying "I love you" way too many times in one day. I promise to tell you how handsome you are even though you all ready know you were made by the hands of God. I promise to never get sick of hearing you call me "Pretty, Gorgeous" like it's the name I was born with. I promise to sit through your action-packed movies with you but I can't promise I will lie and say I enjoyed them. I promise to kiss you; on your forehead, on your nose, on your lips, on your neck, on the way to Maine and all the way back. I don't care where or when; I just promise to kiss you there and then. I promise to read you only the best quotes from the books I'm reading while you sit and kick the ass out of the video game you are playing. I promise to write poems, prose, short stories, essays, story-books about the love I've found with you. I promise to leave blank pages at the ends for all the memories we've yet to have. I promise to honor you. I promise to respect you. I promise to compromise; unless you're seriously wrong about something ;). I promise to tickle you even though you hate it. I promise to be sorry about tickling you but the sound of your laughter and the power I have over you in that moment is monumental. I promise to be blown away by the man that you are on a daily basis.

I promise to continuously be inspired by you
and the love that we wake up to.

I promise to be true.

I promise, me, if you promise, you.

R.I.P. Mark Khoury (Oct 17, 1988 - Sept. 3, 2010) and Jeremy Ramirez (Nov 14, 1988- Oct 28, 2010)

Today our minds are riddled
and just can't comprehend
why two good souls were needed in heaven.

Where you are now,
may your spirits be sound.
Your energies endlessly bound.

Tomorrow, I know
I'll feel you in the air.
Your radiance found in beauty's stare.

Respect is found in sorrow's mayhem;
loving someone means re-cycling
your life inside them.
You always hold a brother
even when you cannot find him.

Maybe they can see us in a blink of an eyelid
and it's just our realm that is a distant island.

~Who said love was *ever* silenced?~
It can't be when you were one to live inside it.

Don't be selfish -
the roads are not only yours.
Watch out for motorcyclers.
Put down your phone,
don't drive drunk,
don't drive on drugs;
stop being blind
and keep the innocent lives alive.

I love you, two.
We all sincerely miss you.
I know you hear me from somewhere.

"What you are is a force - a force that makes it possible for your body to live, a force that makes it possible for your whole mind to dream... Life is not the body; it is not the mind; it is not the soul. It is a force. Through this force, a newborn baby becomes a child, a teenager, an adult; it reproduces and grows old. When Life leaves the body, the body decomposes and turns to dust. You are Life passing through your body, passing through your mind, passing through your soul. Once you find that out, not with the logic, not with the intellect, but because you can feel that Life - you find out that you are the force that makes the flowers open and close, that makes the hummingbird fly from flower to flower. You find out that you are in every tree, you are in every animal, vegetable, and rock. You are the force that moves the wind and breathes through your body. The whole universe is a living being that is moved by that force, and that is what you are. You are Life." -Ruiz

I learned -

Love is Life's most genuine resource
the moment I was moved by your force.
When you spoke, I was restored;
like your voice tuned right to my heart's chord.

I search for more than just words
to prove your intent is pure, is sure.
I found your actions were my rewards
as your force gave my life a grand tour
of what's pure, your passion's allure.

"A person of words and not deeds is like a garden full of weeds."

It's been six years. Almost seven. This is the longest I have ever lived somewhere so packing obviously sets my emotions in motion. I will not miss the house no matter how lovely it is because I learned long ago a house is not where the heart is. I've lived in one-room apartments with three and a half people. I've lived in Booton where I was afraid of my own shadow with a lady who was a complete stranger. I've lived in a cute cottage with millions of acres to call my own and a four-wheeler to explore them; with a best-friend and her inspiring father and mother, religious with all of their good intentions, but I wasn't quite the easy-to-mold daughter they were looking for. I've lived in summer houses smack dab in the middle of winter when there is no electricity and no running water. Ever know how it feels like to carry cold water from your cellar, help chop the wood for the wood-stove so that you can warm that cold water up and bathe by the cupful and call it your shower? It all didn't matter; and because of these stories, I have even more character. Along with those, I have even more stories up my sleeve; and what it comes down to is, they are me.

This house is a mansion compared to what I've come from but I won't miss it. I learned long ago a house is only a house; what's important is the love that can be found within it. My home is mobile because it's within me; I'm in it wherever I go as long as I'm loving the life I am living.
I'll miss the walls of this bedroom but not for the house that they hold up. I'll miss them only because for almost seven years now, they contained me. They scream a permanency I needed when my outer society these past twenty years was constantly changing. These walls ARE me; the good, the bad, the happy, the sad, the friends that are still here, the ones that never truly existed. They are all still here; scripted all over the walls around me; in their own words, they've wrote to me, they left me their symphonies and no matter what I'll never have another room like it. Whoever paints these walls should feel bad about it. I guarantee, between Jay's room and mine, we're giving those painters one hell of a time. Two rooms they'll walk in and experience before they even see it.

By packing up this room, I've also had some realizations. I have an assortment of novels and a book collection, incomparable. When I own a home, one day, a library is a must and among the first things I will demand. When I marry one day, it will only be to a man as open-minded with his love of a good book as mine. A man who won't mind sitting on the library floor for hours reading together or going quote-for-quote with me out of Paulo Coelho books that I've all ready post-it noted a long time ago. A man who won't mind listening to my poetry because it speaks of him so dearly, is inspired by him so neatly, and shows my life so vividly.




These are my dreams and I applaud these walls for saving them for me.

Things I've learned while packing:

1.) I refuse to put my Paulo Coelho books into storage, he is way too far of a brilliant man to be stuck in a tupperware bin.

2.) I can't believe someone out-did Jodi Picoult as my favorite author. Maybe Jodi Picoult and Paulo Coelho are equally my favorite authors since their styles are way different; I mean I do admit they are both phenomenal. I just love how Paulo Coelho writes off of personal experiences, has had such an intense life, and keeps everything simple. His books are so quick, easy, and life-changing to read.

3.) I don't know what I have more of; clothes or books. It's amusing, too, because I have so much of each but I only wear (on a daily basis) a select few of the outfits from my closet and, as for books, I would only swear my life to some of them and recommend only some of them (again particularly Paulo Coelho or Jodi Picoult haha)

4.) If I procrastinate it is probably because I am writing. I wrote all this and guess what; I only packed one container of books so far and it’s 11:30; I have to work at 7:30 until like ten at night so I can’t even pack tomorrow. Haha fml, I guess writing is my nemesis as much as it is my nurturer. <3

5.) I've kept very random things. Very random things I probably should have all ready parted with. A. Long. Time. Ago. Why must I feel compelled to keep homework I did in high school or grade school? It's weird.

6.) It is much easier to pack your things up and go than it is to keep them and constantly keep them in order. For me, at least.

7.) There is not a SINGLE proper place to keep the remnants of a broken relationship. The trash is heartless for something that once was so close and meant so much but is it really healthy to keep those types of memories sitting in a box...? On the positive side, though, I am infinitely happy to only have the remnants of one serious relationship to decide the fate of.

my rant, for now. maybe add more and turn it into my memoir later. :)

dance party

One day, I wanna have THE ultimate dance party - where, from morning to night, every movement I make and every movement whoever decides to join me makes, MUST be in some shape or form a means of getting down with yourself. One day, I want to meet the souls who are completely down with this idea and on that day I want us all to put on our dancing shoes and, for 24 hours, to never take them off. :)

~For now, though, I'm ecstatic
to have met
a man who makes my life a constant dance~;
Who knows how to tango much harder than any single soul I have ever met. With you on my mind, my body never ceases to jam the hardest it possibly can; I have never had anyone sweeter here to hold my hand as I dance and you dance.
<3

In silence
I hear the rain is rhyming.

I've only ever met two-year olds
capable of showing me what time is.
Always smiling;
taking your hand
without caring
how high the climb is.


It's an element,
a continual experiment
to explore in child-like temperament.

It's a treasure chest,
with love to ingest
and life to caress.

It's golden,
you must appreciate
that which you are holdin'.

You know what's permanency?:

Your mind's frequency,
your heart's symphony,
your hand's generosity,
your ability to be;
because now they continually
beat in me.

I opened our eyes
so that Love could see
the tender, true
hold we'd have on we.

I. adore. this. child.
who has grown before my eyes.
<3

Quote by
Friedrich Nietzsche;
thank-you sir.

We too often get discouraged by trivial things
overlooking the fact that the Simple sings,
"Listen to me, listen to me".

You are my modesty,
the love in me,
a man to believe,
a dynasty of honesty
and, every day, the sound I see.

Judgments are so relentless.
How many people have they prevented
from being their own person?

Some sentiments are so senseless;
when they create a person so careless;
so heartless.

Haven't we gotten over this?
Haven't we all ready gone through this?

Or every time:
was it the point we would miss?

"He broke up with me and his excuse was that he needed to find himself. I didn't have the heart to tell him he wasn't worth looking for."

Hahaha

This is the best phrase I have heard in a while;
too bad no one told me it a a little over a year ago.
:]

"The world's a blur, accented by her."

"Some days the world can seem so dim,
I'm glad it's accented by him."

~Written by Tracy Hunter and her boyfriend;
just about the cutest little piece of poetry I've ever heard.
http://www.thuntress.tumblr.com

You let my words fly right through you
when their aim was to actually move you.

Why can't the things you do
match up with the words you give, too?

Life will undo what is untrue
but you don't get to redo
who you've grown into.

*I love being able to address
so many different people
and so many different scenarios
at once.
*I fucking love writing. It simplifies life.
It simplifies people.

I know some people who exist

but cease to live;
somewhere along the line
they lost the best parts of them.

You were a sunset;
who turned out to be negligent.
You turned up in the morning
and never caught up to the evening;
your sun had no choice. She left.

You were careless
with the gifts you were given.
Listlessly, you picked the life
you have chosen.
You gave out your word
but forgot them when life said,
"Show them".

You were only ordinary;

with a mask to match each accessory.
You don't remember me
but, at some point, we met up with your extraordinary.
Tell me, why'd you ever give up on being legendary?
Or simply living a life worth its own story?

What's your hurry?
Weigh your worry.
Wake up!
Restore the morning
to its glory.

Passion is only a piecemeal of my promise;
*I love you with no intentions to ever stop this.*
And you're one lover I never could resist;
the second you showed me
romance and this world do co-exist.

I.
love.
you.
Taurino.
Perez.
<3

Life can not be lived as if it is some catastrophe;
you must ~bask in its simplicity~
to figure out what it means to be;
what it means to fly free.

Ask a million questions.

When there's only ever ONE answer.

You know it; we both do.
I swear.

She wanted to play games she would deny even existed. He wanted to teach her the perspective she had been missing. Their compromise, endless back-and-forth meetings; touch-and-go feelings, exploration of what each one was seeing. It turned into limitless seasons without even a year receding. It turned into miles and miles of effort on her part before his heart began the slow process of believing and again, breathing.

another piece to my story... haha I'll put it all together at some point.

He may have never picked or bought her flowers, but it was not because he didn't care for her. It was because Holden made her realize all the flowers of the world were all ready hers.

"Picking flowers is like robbing life and I would never want to give you a gift that has no potential to grow because I aided in its demise," he explained. "Stealing the Earth of its nature to give, solely, to one person diminishes the beauty and power of that flower. Look beyond that hill, pretty, do you see that lady teaching her baby to smell the flowers?" She did. "Well, what if someone had come and stripped the land of these flowers so they could sell them to people who would bring them home to their wife so that she could smile for less than five minutes, feel loved for the day, and then forget about them tomorrow until eventually they die because they were deprived of their natural home? Those individuals would have stolen that baby and the mother's moment just now, the moment were having right now, the moments people will have that come here in the future. You can't multiply love and beauty unless you leave it open for other true hearts to feel its power, too."

He didn't give her flowers but, instead, lead her to their fields. She immediately realized he was giving her the gift of the world; yet, all this time, it was right in front of her anyway. What he really gave her was the most intimate gift of all; the gift of rediscovery, the gift of his thoughts, his perspectives; not so that he could change her but, to instead, watch her grow with new ideas. He liked the spin she might even give to his own ideas, now, as she was absorbing some as her own. Like the luscious flowers in the field needed sustenance to grow, so did she and so did everyone; he acted as her water, her sunshine that day, and in, many, many more to come.


He wouldn't say "I love you" excessively but rather, made her feel it, incessantly. Which is ultimately degrees more important. Anyone can say a storybook full of wonderfully crafted lines that all mean "I love you". Anyone can robotically repeat that phrase until their lungs are raw. But what really grabs a hold of your heart is when they put those statements into their every-day actions. When daily, you can see in their eyes love is not only consciously what they feel for you, but, *also, subconsciously consuming them*; and, ~infinitely, what they are going to astound you with, indefinitely~.

"O Lord... Have pity on those who may conquer the world but *~NEVER join the good fight within themselves~*. But pity also those who have won the good fight within themselves, and now find themselves in the streets and the bars of life because they were unable to conquer the world. Because neither of these kinds of people know thy law that says, 'He who heeds my words I will liken to a wise man who built his house on rock'...
Have pity on those who are fearful of taking up a pen, or a paintbrush, or an instrument, or a tool because they are afraid that someone has already done so better than they could, and who feel themselves to be unworthy to enter the marvelous mansion of art. But have even more pity on those who, having taken up the pen, or the paintbrush, or the instrument, or the tool, *have turned inspiration into a paltry thing*, *~and yet feel themselves to be better than others~*. Neither of these kinds of people know thy law that says, 'For there is nothing covered that will not be revealed, nor hidden that will not be known'." -Coehlo, "The Pilgrimage", Chapter - Personal Vices; short & sweet & EVERYONE should read; maybe more of it to come later, but this one struck a chord.

Songs to do future hoop vids to :)

"Low Road" by Grace Potter or really anything Grace Potter
"Home" by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros
"Set the Fire to the Third Bar" by Snow Patrol
hmmmmoe. of course :)
maybe "The World at Large" by Modest Mouse; but if not that song one of their songs definitely.
"Where is the Love?" by Black Eyed Peas

I need sweet settings to hoop at;
(I want to make a silhouette video pronto but where, oh where? would be the best place.)
And to learn more tricks to make that many videos interesting.
And more songs to add to this list.
And then even more tricks come the new songs.
And friends who hoop to join me! Because the more hoopers in a video, the sweeter it is!!

I love that this passion was discovered!
Thank you, Courtney Westerkamp is all I have to say :)

And thanks to other hoopers who have shared (and will continue sharing) their skills with me. This summer has taken that hobby to a new height and I’m never coming down <3. It’s crazy how something so simple can transform your daily living in such little time if your just open to it…

the beginning of a short story... until I have time to finish it :)

"When you love someone, you have to give up the right to ever lose them. Through the act of loving; you connect to them, and therefore will never forget them," Holden told her.

"I wouldn't be willing to lose you, does that mean I love you?" Lily asked shyly but filled with all of her usual intentions.

She didn't understand. Here she was, yet again, turning it back to herself instead of "them", instead of looking at love on a universal scale as opposed to her personal one, instead of a conversation of what love is, what love transcends, instead of just looking at it without her unruly ego involved. Complacently, and like he usually did, Holden simply ignored her question.

They walked along the outer ridge of the beach line before it dipped down into the tide. She was barefoot running along the sea in a bikini. But to him, she was treading on the moonlight, unself-consciously naked, dancing before his eyes. He never even saw her undressed but could paint a portrait with how vividly he could decipher her body and the curves with which she was blessed.
Capturing her demeanor, her behavior, her eyes of wonder; is what would put his mind, hand, art, and most importantly, his heart to the test.

When you believe in multiple worlds that collide to make up the larger one; everything makes more sense. Your mistakes. Your successes. Your dress-ups. Your messes. What we perceive makes up our reality and clearly what you see and have seen will be different from me. The world is a collage of inner realities. Reality often is born by a correspondence between all of our memories but is limited by our building of boundaries.

There’s a world built by you.

There’s a world built by me.

Combine them; & find a world built by we.

“Emotions are like wild horses.” -Paulo Coehlo

Maybe each country is a separate emotion of the Earth’s identity. We fight because not everyone wants the responsibility of controlling their reign. Tell me is it the people or just their fate that’s insane?

“Emotions are like wild horses.” -Paulo Coehlo

Maybe each country is a separate emotion of the Earth’s identity. We fight because not everyone wants the responsibility of controlling their end of the reign. Tell me is it the people or the world they live in, that’s insane?

Drawing Credit: Michelle Imparato
Idea Credit: Brandon Boyd from Incubus
(I kinda wanna print it out and color it too!)

Season Treason

The past never ends before it becomes your future.

Like every Summer

come Fall, you still wonder

how the sun ever sets forgetting the flower.

But as the leaves transform their color

all of a sudden you remember;

the world is still a sight to see in the snow of December.

breathescape

(I've reached a compromise, I'm keeping my blog as well. You have better features or maybe it's just because I know how to use this better.)

You need to breathe; escape.
Take a step before you leap.
Whoever said this journey wasn't steep?
Just watch it structure into its beautiful shape.

Breathe. Leap.

Breathe.

It matters not who you're meant to be

but rather how you live this mystery;

and many people have taught to me

souls are simply Life’s endless energy.

We’re radiant. Don’t you see?

Our lives are anything but minuscule.

You have to find the fire to feed the fuel.

You have to live out the pieces to experience the whole.

And learn, love is not something you let go,

but rather plant it and feel it grow.

Blogger, it's been fun but I believe I'm upgrading to tumblr; seems to be more accessible to other writers like me than this blog has been...

My new link is
http://asubconsciousdesignofrhyme.tumblr.com/

There's nothing there yet but there will be
:)

For Mark Khoury R.I.P.

Mark Khoury, you were by far one of the nicest individuals I have ever had the pleasure of being friends with. I refuse to say good-bye because you will always live on in everyone's heart that you have ever met. We won't say good-bye; it's only a farewell until we meet again. When you live a life of love; your legacy becomes love and that legacy lives on, for all time, and is NEVER defeated. When you love someone, you never lose them and you were surrounded by many souls that loved you so you will never be lost; you forever live on in our hearts and memories. Love is not limited to the physical world; love is accessible in every realm and travels through the barriers of time and physicality. You are energy, Mark, and you will never be destroyed; though your physical presence has left momentarily, you will forever be FELT.

I feel like we didn't take advantage of our friendship while we had the time and for that I will forever be sorry for the memories that never got made. After high school, we lost touch for about a year until I saw you at Kevin's again but still we conversed like no time had passed at all and I remember how you made me smile. Watch over Kevin the best you can, please. You meant the world to him and he means the world to me; he needs your guidance to get through this. Show him he has to live for not only himself now, but for you also.

Still, even though we lost touch, I can still vividly remember our best moments together -

I remember when we dated. I was a sophomore, I believe, and you were a junior. It didn't last too long, though, and I remember exactly why. After a month or so you found out I smoked weed and, in the hallway, you broke up with me. Within two months time, though, you called me and invited me to your house. You asked me if I wanted to blaze. I remember walking down to your house and we proceeded to smoke out of an apple until I got frustrated with the idea and said we should just go to my house and get a pipe. I love this memory so much. You are the only one I ever smoked out of an apple with. I think I'll leave it that way for the rest of my life.

I remember the first DAY you got your license; the FIRST time you were allowed to drive alone. You took me on a date and, come to think of it, it may have been the first ACTUAL date I had ever been taken on. I remember how worried your mom was and how mine was so nonchalant and just didn't care or worry about anything. But not yours. She requested you call her at every stopping point; even when you got to my house which was literally TWO minutes from yours. We laughed about it the whole time but when the movie was done (and it's only logical that I don't even remember the film haha) we tried to drag the time out. I think we told her the movie was longer than it actually was and hung out by the Appalachian trails between our two houses. :)

I remember those Appalachian trails with you, too. One time, I remember us sneaking out and meeting up on the trails and walking them in the pitch dark. I don't remember why we didn't do that more often...

I remember how sporty you were. Football, wrestling, baseball; did it ever end with you? ;) I remember watching your baseball games and hearing about you all the time over the intercom at school with all your sports. You were dedicated, Mark, and you were committed; you had passion. You were amazing and you helped carry our school to many victories; even with how shitty our football teams were =P. Your mom put your football jersey outside your house; I see it swinging in the wind every time I pass and it reminds me of every time you wore it at school on game days. You were so proud; you really loved your sports and I respect every inch of that. Have I told you how remarkable you were?

I remember your hot tub. Oh, your hot tub. Haha. I remember being in there with you, I think James, too, probably Kevin and possibly Jeremy. I remember we played an endless game of "Never Have I Ever" and I can still pretty distinctively hear the sound of your laughter; your belly deep laughter.

I think I remember going with you to your first moe. show ever. I have a feeling James was there, and maybe Jeremy, too. You know how moe.ments go, though, they're always a little foggy ;). I know I remember O.A.R. with you and I believe Kyle O. and maybe James, yet again. In fact, that is where that picture above was taken. I remember you guys looking out for me since a "boyfriend" who just randomly stopped talking to me was to be there. More importantly, though, I remember jamming out to one of our favorite songs, "Delicate Few". Damn, were we belting that song out. Now, whenever I "relax for a delicate few", I will surely think of you. :)

I remember your puppies!!!! Since your family bred them, you would always show me the newborns and they would fit in the palm of my hand, sometimes. I love this memory of you, too. You are the only person in the world to share the joy of newborn puppies with me. And I thank you.

I remember playing frisbee, for hours, in the Appalachian Trail parking lot with Kyle O. and James Drake.

I remember beeping every time I passed your house when you were outside for the past 5 years of my life.

I remember how completely random it was to find out your family was really good friends with Michelle Barclay's.

I remember our most recent trail walk with Kevin and Jeremy and all the old cop tales we had to tell each other. I remember planning Kev's 21st which didn't exactly go according to plan but was fun nonetheless with me having to play sober nurse/cop in Kev's new apartment. I remember you being really drunk, too. Haha I think I was the only sober person there and I spent most of the time in the bathroom anyway with an obliterated Kevin. I think you helped us put him to bed when the toilet stopped being his pillow..... Finally lol.

I remember the last time I saw you. We were at quick-chek. You asked me if I knew were any nugget was at. I said unfortunately not, I had no money, I just got a new car. You saw it, you liked it and you said "You would get a Mitsubishi." I didn't know what you meant by that comment and I still don't; I just wish I had asked you to go for a drive instead of rushing to wherever it was I was going...






I leave space for any more memories that might come; for the memories other people will remember about you with me. We're going to carry you with us now, Mark, so don't think the memories ever really end. You are monumental and your name does you justice because you surely have left your mark on this world. I regret not telling you enough how remarkable I think you are but we just grew apart when you graduated; we grew apart because I did something dumb once (even though I don't think you even remembered this) but I apologize. It was mostly my fault we stopped talking but I'm extremely grateful we repaired our friendship before this tragedy occurred. I love you, Mark, even if I didn't say it enough times when you were physically present to hear it. You surely have taught me to take full advantage of my friendships and to let each and every last person know how much they really mean to me.

I love you and may you rest in peace, my friend.

Mark, you are forever remembered and unconditionally treasured. ♥

It doesn't matter
about the start
or finish
or who was there
along your journey
to witness,






it just matters
how much
you live this
and
~you answer
*for yourself*
what love is~.

A toddler listens to an adult
when they're interested in their words;
knowing they will teach them more & more
of the lessons that still remain unheard, unheard.

An adult listens to more
than just the roar of the crowd;
knowing any ideas they choose to accept
need to translate into their actions which speak out loud.

It takes more than just a walk in nature to make a naturalist;
It takes so much more than just "art" to make an artist;
It takes more than simple lyrics to make a lyricist;
soulfulness & expression must co-exist.


"Essential truth, the truth of the intellectualists, the truth with no one thinking it, is like the coat that fits tho no one has ever tried it on, like the music that no ear has listened to. It is less real, not more real, than the verified article; and to attribute a superior degree of glory to it seems little more than a piece of perverse abstraction-worship."

"Even if matter could do every outward thing that God does, the idea of it would not work as satisfactorily, because the chief call for a God on modern men's part is for a being who will inwardly recognize them and judge them sympathetically. Matter disappoints this craving of our ego, so God remains for most men the truer hypothesis, and indeed remains so for definite pragmatic reasons."

-William James

It's easy to see people scribble out declarations
when there's no sentiments
in their stream of consciousness.
How will you unlock your dreams
without belief you even have the key?
How will you unlock your dreams
with a key you can't even see?

It's like an ocean;
but one without commotion.

It's a wild horse;
but one without movement.

If you're allowed to stand in one place,
of course
you'll find no need for self-improvement.

But the option is always open
however long it remains delinquent.
And there really is no argument
to contend to those who remain diligent.

There really can't be a dispute
when you have no
beliefs or proof to even refute.

It's like an ocean;
but one without commotion.

It's a wild horse;
but one without movement.

If you're allowed to stand in one place,
of course
you'll find no need for self-improvement.

But what if your environment shifts
and throws you into an unknown abyss?
Can you find a natural instinct
that helps you stay alive
if you don't even believe
in the soul you have inside?
Can you find the same breath of life
in absence of the bonds that make you just
feel
alive?

Any one can swim around and around
in the wild torrent of emotion;
but it's difficult to direct
them with a sense of devotion;
to look at them with logic
*AND, ONLY THEN, SET THEM IN MOTION*
Why not let them fly with a purpose?
Why not try and serve ~so much more~
than just their own surface?

"If you don't stand for something,
you will fall for anything."

"Love is not a habit, a commitment, or a debt. It isn't what romantic songs tell us it is - *~Love simply IS~*. That is the testament ... LOVE IS. No definitions. Love and *don't ask too many questions*. JUST LOVE." -Paulo Coehlo

In a world of divinity
souls could experience unity; infinity.
They'd dance and love with certainty
unconscious of any other way to be.

Conceit wouldn't even be a mask in existence
when we recognize we are all one in every instance;
all it takes is for you to just open your ears & listen.
We're all guilty for the world that we're missin'.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Vanity; a challenge to your ego
when it should just see
*everyone*
is as beautiful as the image you call "me".

Memory offers your mind a keepsake

but in the here and now your
consciousness should breathe
and find an escape.

to finally cast this out.

I wish I could take your third eye
and
spin it so it stares right into your own mind.
Do you like how you lie, lie, lie
just to get by?* Bye, bye.

You make up excuses,
however useless,
to justify the way you betray.
You cheat
and continue to deceive,
then quit your own game and leave.
(I just hope one day you will see.)
You fabricate a revenge
on a "friend" who has given
you more than their best
time and time again.
(Will you ever extend
the same kindness
you were sent?)
Your lack of tact
shows your
striving for much
less than accurate.
"You let loss
be your guide"**
when you cut ties
to those who've been
nothing but allies.

Does it feel all right
to live your life in shame;
where trust is just a game?
Does it feel all right
to have no pride;
every move you have to hide?
Maybe in time
you'll right your wrongs
or else just
show everyone
it's a heavy cost
to friend a fraud.

*A line from a Swampadelica song,
"Do you lie to get by? woah, yea, yea"
**A line from a Broken Bells song
( ironically called "The High Road" ;) ),
"It's too late to change your mind,
you let loss be your guide".

Moments.

Can we ever accurately remember every inch of the sensations contained in them? Moments are now. Memory, personality is what stretches them into forever. We're not meant to capture them, bottle them up to try and re-live them. They may be instant but never do they cease existence. They're constant, happening one after the other, one after another; they're flowers still blooming deep into the cold of December or the fresh air of September; the month does not matter when the moment is what you are after. You just have to tap into them, accept and act with them. Don't miss them as they're passing, by trying to make them lasting; they're not meant for you to balance them, because they are what is balancing and they are happening. Catch them; cause they're descending. Listen for them; cause they're laughing. Absorb them like a summer sunlit morning because they gaze at you, imploring.

They are restoring.

Open to the...

Moment.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When you extend your art
into every hand and heart,
you give the world a jump-start.